A New Beginning...

I've occupied this blog space since 2009 but never really did much of anything with it. I tried a few different approaches toward putting together a diary/journal, wasn't happy with the results. To think it would end up sitting idle for months and eventually years?  I do SO struggle pointlessly with various aspects of this 'non-thing' we mutually agree to do, assigning meaningless measures of time. The measurements are consistent and predictable because we agree that they are, pure and simple. What matters, if indeed anything DOES matter is that we are free to compare notes and exchange small talk and thoughts on the subject matter.

My original idea seem simple enough. I wished to construct an unassuming, orderly space I could visit now and again, and maybe record  whatever  random thoughts and observations I might have going forward in this incredible journey through life. A journey which, for better AND worse too often lately involves the cancer growing in my body since around 1997. (age 43 then, 59 now)

Yesterday morning I stopped working on the very first, somewhat grandiose 'Re-Opening' Introductory Message that said a whole lot of nothing using entirely too many words for the occasion!

What later struck me as a fairly complete lack of objectivity and coherency at the time in seeing it for what it was may have come from a lack of sleep and concentration. At first blush I thought I'd done well for a modest attempt at a re-write. I consoled myself by thinking,  "At least it's something". Well, yeah, it was boring! :-)

I've often struggled with the concept/definition of this single nagging word, label, 'perfectionist'. Does a 'perfectionist' necessarily know if/when they have this problem? IS IT always necessarily a problem? I suppose the only easy, semi-correct answer might be it depends! 

I've often suspected that I must be one of those odd closet 'perfectionist' types and just don't realize it, even though the fruits of my various anguished labors in life certainly feel like they are anything but "perfect". I'm not through or over that process/struggle of self-identification. Maybe such issues are just by-damned lifelong questions and struggles one learns to compromise with as best they are able?

I see it is now 6:04AM Monday, August 12th 2013. I've been sitting here off and on for just over an hour. Mostly I've been elsewhere. I thought about setting an arbitrary limit of one hour. I guess I am not/and was not in the mood for any 'serious' writing!

One thing for sure, it's not going anywhere most likely until I return. Til then...
Hube

My morning prayer. Thank you Buddha, thank you Quantum Physics, Thank you Alanis, Thank you Ram Dass (in no particular implied order or intent)

About the picture below...

http://octobia.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/just-watching/#comments
I used to own what I regarded as a cool sorrt of 'general spiritual reference' paperback book titled "Be Here Now". Written by one Richard Alpert, AKA Baba Ram Dass. It was a fairly thick paperback volume, quite dog-eared from countless moves and years of being  tossed about and handled. Alas, I don't recall what became of my copy. The book had a lot of inspired and inspirational (to me) illustrations. This one is a favorite. I was surprised how few examples of the drawing were to be found on the Net. Hopefully the website owner of "Octobia's Blog" wont mind that I directly copied and pasted the picture into my blog content page. It was the most efficient way to get the rather large picture file to load. I contacted them here and solicited comment.

If someone *does* object, (seems doubtful!) I will remove it. I think it's pretty clear my interest (and theirs) is far from "commercial". Octobia's blog entry, "Just Watching" definitely adds something personal and warm! It would have been cool if my copy of the illustration ended up on the cover of a similar scrapbook.

In closing for now, a little about Baba Ram Dass, if one is interested. From the looks of things he certainly has faced his fair share of "awakenings" in Life. Life is really good that way. Good and Funny, maybe just not always 'ha ha' funny, ya know? Pretty much for certain though, watch long enough and some pretty interesting shit will start unfolding!
:-) Just you keep watching!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ram_Dass